Part twenty-one: Offense
Being offended is a camouflaged message that something hurt or needy us. According to psychologists, it is the lack of the ability to express feelings; it is the manipulation and the means of acceptance that we are looking for.
To look more closely at the case, let me start with an example.
I do not like people saying I’m white. What am I, Albino? My skin color is something in orange-pink-brown. Put it in your head. Also, I live in a country that does not know the topography. Every time they talk about my native country, Poland, they say that we are an Eastern block. And here I am exploding. Because neither Poland is in the east nor is it a block. We are central Europe, and that’s it. Also, they compare us to Russia, our eternal enemy, saying that Poland and Russia are one big family. They say we talk the same, we behave the same and drink vodka the same way. The only coon of ignorance is that I do not know a single word in Russian and their speech resembles the Abra Cadabra. They even have a different alphabet. And this comparison to vodka? I do not drink alcohol, and I do not intend.
Probably landing my frustration caused you to smile, or you thought that you do not care much about it. You have your own problems and frustrations. In this example, there were so many absurdities and trivialities that you do not even understand why it annoys me. Which don’t, but this is not the point.
But, it is how the world perceives offense. Most of us just do not give a fuck, so why do we care about constant self-pity? Why do we have these inclinations and what caused them?
The research shows that we get offended too much every day. Some people even a hundred times a day. There are many reasons. Sometimes it is enough for someone to look at him, occasionally bad news in the journal, social media increase the degree of probability drastically with entries and comments on posts. Much has to do with the culture of society, origin, place of residence. And what about the culture of women? Why do they get angry with men’s compliments? Why has the recognition of beauty suddenly become unacceptable?
A more significant paradox is to insult someone’s faith, sexual preferences, or life goals. We cannot refine this type of action because we are thinking differently. It seems to us that we are infallible and only our rules play roles.
We also have a large group of society that can not deal with criticism. Each time they hear something about themselves that does not match their worldview, they are offended. There are also those who can not distinguish the joke from the fact. Or blame others for their failures.
Let’s be aware that it is only about an opinion or an attribute. We should not take everything seriously or assign ourselves. It creates extreme problems and limited beliefs that you should stay away from. Insulting works on the psyche, personal and group mentality. It’s supposed to destroy you from the inside by giving you fictional ideas. Why? Because 95% of the population claims that it is not even their own opinion. Saying something offensive to you, they have taken from someone else. It has nothing to do with you, as they say, only because they are dictated by the norms prevailing in the country or the world.
We can, therefore, be insulted in every way and at the same time lose real life chances. How to deal with it?
Cope with pride
In other words, this is a constructive critique. Hearing something about your person, stop for a moment and think if people are right about it. If you understand that you are doing something wrong, ask more closely what you have to change. Remember that this is only the perspective of another person and does not necessarily mean anything, which is why it is worth to consult third parties. No matter what the authorities try to convince us, we people know each other well. However, sometimes we can not notice anything.
Do not compare to the whole
You are an individual, and you will always be like that. What annoys culturally related, locally or, for example, racially, does not have to concern you. Not everything that is considered by the government as offensive, you must support. Take care of yourself and not the problems of the whole. They will not help you in any way.
Learn to communicate
Usually the question of why someone said something might consider a ton of misunderstandings. Without a conversation, you can not even determine what someone meant. Maybe it was a joke? Perhaps the statement of common facts? Maybe it’s domination? Or maybe you did not understand the context?
Learn to let go
Remembering that any negative emotion affects your health is bad, you may want to ask yourself where the positives of your behavior are. What exactly does anger bring into your life? A torn heart, remorse, anguish, or do you just like when someone is apologizing you?
Learn to deal with others
And the same with yourself. Hypersensitivity and sensibility will never be a strong side of the character. Show who is the boss. Hold your emotions in your hand and smile.
This experiment is not just for fun; it’s to prove that we still have to work on this problem. That’s why I want you to start counting in the morning, how many times you get offended. For people who do not know what to pay attention to, here are some tips. Someone has taken the road. Someone parked in your place. The cashier in the store did not say good morning. The boss had comments on your work. The children did not want to fall asleep on time. In the journal, they raised the matter of the election. Analyze your discoveries, of everything that would offend you even for a few seconds.
I wish you a pleasant search