Part eleven: Learn to say NO
Assertiveness is almost a field of art. This is the ability to say NO, without the need to offend the other person unnecessarily. It is also a skill that will help you relax, without the need to agree on everything that the world will suggest to you. Without this skill, you will always be busy, upset and full of bitterness to yourself and those close to you.
We are convinced that by agreeing to everything, we show love and help the other person. It’s been instilled in us since childhood that we have to respect and listen to people who are more important to us, people of higher rank or teachers. New educational methods remind us that we must agree with the opinion of our children that a successful marriage must be matched to the limits that the parent is always right.
On the other hand, we are constantly bombarded by external stimuli. Entering an ordinary supermarket, we are shocked by promotions, offers, and folders with new products. Ask yourself how many times you bought an article just because it was at a lower price or if you got the second one for free, and when you came home you did not even know what to use it?
The ability to speak NO will allow you to be friends with the freedom to live on your terms, get out of the conviction of your naivety and show the world who is in charge. Assertiveness will also help you achieve successes on both a personal and professional basis. It is wrong to think that agreeing to anything in some way is appreciating or putting you in the active role of a leader.
As a last resort, the lack of assertiveness leads to physical impairments such as burn out and mental disorders such as depression. Due to the excessive amount of daily life obligations imposed on us by ourselves or other people, we often become victims of fate.
Thinking that we are selfish or losing any chance in life is wrong in this case. It’s about you and only about your health. The right thinking is that selfishness is, doing everything for everybody. Setting boundaries are building your territory, your independence, and, on the other hand, learning the future for the opposite.
There are many ways to say No and each of them deals with a different situation. Otherwise, you will say NOT to yourself when you see something sweet in the store, and you are accidentally on a diet. Otherwise, you will answer your child, who for the third time in a row asks you to buy this very aggressive PlayStation game. Again, you will react differently to the request of your friend who even begs you to go with him to a concert of a band you do not like. Otherwise, you will bet the boss who gives you too many responsibilities, but you can not finish any.
The universal solution is and always will be straight to the point, without great translations. Here is a short list of examples:
- Unfortunately, I will not be able to take care of it.
- I do not want to do this.
- I am not the right person, but please contact…
- I am sorry, but my calendar is full.
- I am sorry, but I can not.
- I cannot; I have other obligations.
- I can agree with that, but provided…
- I am sorry, but I do not feel comfortable in this situation.
- Thank you for taking me into account, but now is the wrong moment.
- No thank you. Currently, I received an assertiveness course.
- It’s not in my competence.
- You have an amazingly original idea, but…
- Will not you be angry as I refuse you?
- I have very negative experiences in this matter.
In conclusion, the science of assertiveness will never go in vain. Learning this will be full of remorse and hard, but it is worth starting as soon as possible. For my part, a small tip, namely find a partner in crime and start learning together, practice on yourself.
Choose one or two of the above examples which suit your situation and learn them in front of the mirror to perfection. Even better when you create your original texts and learn these.